What happened to wreck my life…

Excerpt from my home page Bio

What happened to wreck my life, …it now appears,

…is that after completing a really wonderful education combining physics and environmental design I did some independent research while living in Denver, and discovered a rather effective new method of physical science research.

It let me investigate how individual complex environmental systems developed their unique forms, things like individual air currents, viral social behaviors, cultural or economic change.  One thing all those have in common is that they display complexly organized systems, that invent and take care of themselves, somehow.  They and have so mystified people for ages.

It destroyed my chance for a normal career in science, though, because just asking that question violates the basic precept of modern science that nature behaves according to our theories. You can’t be looking for how they follow “our rules” if you’re looking for how they develop their own as they go!

I was watching and discovering how to follow natures independently original behaviors, uncontrolled systems that develop from the inside. What you find pursuing both those basic preconceptions of nature, i.e. that everything can be seen as following rules we can make for them, and that individual processes develop by themselves, is highly productive if you look for both.

Both are excellent questions. Either preconception of nature is highly misleading if you rule out the other, however, and it now seems humans have tended to think they were mutually exclusive, for thousands of years, but they never were.

So from the mid 1970’s I’ve worked myself to complete exhaustion trying cultivate relationships and explain some of the most critical findings and my technique, in each of the four decades. I’ve made slow but considerable progress with the theory and method, but only seem to go backward with communicating it to other people.

As we approach successively greater crises in our conflict with the earth and the life support systems we designed for ourselves to fail, the urgency ratchets up. Curiously, so does the tenacity of people clinging to the faulty preconceptions causing the problem… or so it seems.

I still hope my becoming increasingly detached from it all will give me the chance to see things clearly enough as they transpire to find how to fit in somewhere. It’s not working, though, and seems suspiciously like my failing assumption all along.

I seem to have now lost virtually all contact with my many professional peers, in the numerous communities I’d worked so hard to connect with.    I’ve also largely lost contact with my all my long term close personal relationships with friends and relatives, as well as with the whole spectrum of social networks seeking political and environmental change. I’ve been a rather active participant in those all along.

I live in virtually constant desperation really, struggling to make emotional sense of each hour, and mostly failing, and then thinking of something to push on.  I also spend a lot of time escaping into a fantasy life for the comfort it offers, and the further separation and perspective on this supremely ugly stream of events I and so many others are having to be witness of for our planet.

It’s not just that all the people I’ve ever trusted, or wanted to, are clinging to deeply mistaken solutions for our civilization’s tragic and destructive course of colliding with the earth. It’s that they’re not interested in why that apparent circumstance might possibly arise, involving themselves and their actions.

Why, indeed, would they expect to assure our future with ever more complex solutions clearly designed to naturally stir up conflicting responses from their environment. They seem to think putting in 110% effort and having faith will make clearly false solutions trustworthy. Getting good at checking out how things really work does take effort, but that’s what’s actually needed.

In the end, people seem just too attached to jumping to conclusions as our way of reasoning, though. That seems to be the bottom line, the central cause, the mortal flaw, why my own work is so quickly dismissed by the sciences. Humans really like thinking of everything in our world as a construct of our minds… a reality simple enough to put into concepts, but then distracting our minds from an awareness of the reality outside.

So, where does the rest of my life go and our evidently tragic failure in taking care of ourselves and the earth?? You tell me!

“No Daddy, the pile gets too big!”… How deranged the conversation gets, is having year after year the same fundamental problem poking it’s nose through the tent flaps and trying to get in, and people keep shoeing it away.

We forever try to solve the wrong half of our problems, like trying to stabilize ever growing instability, in several ways, but particularly trying to stabilize limitless multiplying money. “No daddy… that won’t work (the little children in the circle all chime in) … the pile gets too big”…



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