THE WIZARD'S BRIDE
A story by Jonathan Henshaw - 1998
Chapter #1 The prologue
Once upon t time......OH STOP THAT STUPID STUFF!!!!!!!!Okay. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far, away........ THAT'S THE INTRO TO STAR WARS!!! Fine. A few years ago in a galaxy in a different dimension..... YOU'RE JUST MAKING THAT UP NOW AND IT MAKES NO SENSE!!!!!!!!! Okay, then. why don't you tell the story, slacketypants! WELL......Well what! WELL,BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW THE STORY!!!! Then why do you correct me when you don't know what the story is? BECAUSE IT SOUNDS BAD!!!!! Well, that's another thing. If you don't like it, tell me that, and what you would prefer. But besides that, SHADAP!!! OKAY. Now back to the story.
We are sorry. We are now aware that this story is not as long as we promised you. In that matter, we will tell you about the author while he gets ideas for the story................
Jonathan Henshaw was ten years old when he wrote this story(1997). He has a very active imagination and loves to read. His E-mail address is Andilite@aol.com. His parents are divorced and he really does not like that..........KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK................aND NOW OUR AUTHOR HAS IDEAS. iF YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT HIM, READ THE aBOUT tHE aUTHOR SECTION OF ONE OF HIS BOOKS. nOW BACK TO THE STORY.
A few eons ago in a different dimension...........
"But I don't want to marry Elmer! Elmer is a....Wizard!!!! And I'm a princess!!!!"
"Now don't be racist, dear. There aren't many wizards alive compared to regular humans."
"So, Asebel, he could weave the wizard DNA in your blood, and you could increase the world's Wizard population by many!"
"No more talk of this, your Father is coming."
THIS IS TOO SERIOUS! IT SEEMS LIKE A REGULAR SITUATION BESIDES THE WIZARD PART! I DON'TLIKE IT! I'M GONNA LEAVE! If you leave, all the people reading or hearing this story won't be able to finish it! SO WHAT!!!!
We are sorry. We are now aware that the audience for this part of the story has left. In that matter, we will amuse you with jokes while the author gets the audience back..............
Did you hear the one about the famous pianist, Arthur Rubinstein? It seems that after a particularly splashy concert, a fan approached him for his autograph, saying, "Wonderful concert!! But, why did you play the Chopin so fast?" Rubinstein to fan: "Because I can!" I DON'T GET IT. Don't you see? The fan thought that Rubinstein was such a deep artist, that he must have had some inner reason for his interpretation...but it turns out he was....YEAH, YEAH, I GET IT NOW, HE WAS JUST SHOWING OFF!!
Did you hear the one about the Giant? NO I did, but I didn't get it. It was way over my head!
Hey, why did the turkey cross the road? WHY? To follow the chicken! THAT WAS A REALLY BAD ONE. Okay, so if you're so smart, tell a better one. I WILL! WHY DIDN'T THE TURKEY CROSS THE ROAD? I give up. HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE MISTAKEN FOR A CHICKEN!!!!
Why did the chicken cross the road? TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE? No, to get the Chinese newspaper. Do you get it? NO. Neither do I, I get the Boston Globe.
HEY! YOU TRICKED ME TO COME BACK WITH JOKES!!!! That was so all the people reading this story could finish it. WELL, NOW THAT YOU MENSION IT, I WOULD HATE IT IF I COULDN'T FINISH IT.... Exactly, now just comment, don't act out. OKAY.......Now back to the story.
"Father, I do not want to marry Elmer."
"HIC! Theuun uuuuu Dun't hve tu.HIC! HIC! HIC! HIC! HIC! HIC! HIC! I want to sleep. HIC!"
"I thought you were going to keep Father off Alcohol, he's drunk again!" Asabel whispered to her mother.
"I thought you were going to do that." Her mother said.
"No, we agreed on you mother."
"HIC! wutha tulkin abut? If ith abut Erlem, ur Emler, ugth, Elmer,Ezvefbfafth duthent huve tu mrery hum."
"Thank you father!" Asabeth said.
Suddenly a poof of smoke poffed up from nowhere.
"I am sorry you do not want to marry me, Azabeth." It was Elmer, he had fuffed up from the puff of smoke!
"It's none of your business!"
"It is all of my business, because I am the one you do not want to marry."
"I don't care! I hate you! I hate you, Mother! I love you daddee! But I am running away!" and with that, she ran out of the room, into hers and jumping off the balcony into the pool.
"Dum... Gig I muids sumdin?".......
Chapter #2 The Nasty Wood
Azabeth ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran all the way to the NASTY WOOD. There she stopped, and thought that she was actually running away, and that she was a foolish princess, as well as a rich one. She wasn't thinking, and she needed to do that. So she lay down on the ground, (for it was night), and went to sleep. When she woke up, she woke up to someone splashing water in her face. She screamed, and looked at who was doing that.
"Why you little peasant! I oughta-"
"Please don't hurt me. I had never seen the princess in our town, and I didn't know if you were dead.
"Well I'm not! Get away from me!"
"Why are you here? You are without guards, and you would not dare to come to Hogsboro." Azabeth never knew that the closest edge of the NASTY WOOD was in Hogsboro. Hogsboro was the poorest place in all of the land she knew.
"Well, if you really want to know, I ran away from home, because my parents were forcing me to marry Elmer, a wizard! How disgusting!"
"Wizards are cool. They cal perform big colorful bursts in the sky with nothing but his hands! They can do magic, they can perform all death defying acts!"
"Well I would be marrying him! I like what they do, I just don't like what they are!"
"You must be racist. Even I have no racism, while living in such a poor town that everybody turns down beggars." Actually, Azabeth was astonished that this man, whoever he was, had clothes on. "I am sorry. I know your name, but you do not know mine. It is Haplo." She was also astonished that this Haplo could speak proper English.
"I am running into the NASTY WOOD. Don't tell my parents, or anyone that I am. I would do almost anything if you wouldn't."
"I would like to attend you through the wood, for there are a many dangers there. I know my way around the NASTY WOOD as if it were my own home."
"Fine with me, as long as you tell me where you are from, because you are definitely not from Hogsboro."
"I am from D'vouron, the city on the other side of the wood."
"Let's go!" Azabeth said reluctantly.
Chapter#3 The Goblins of Gobodini
So off they were, heading right into the woods. Azabeth wanted to go back after she had taken two steps in, but when she looked back, all she could see was trees for as far as the eye can see. They would have taken the path to the center of the NASTY WOOD, except for the fact that the path disappeared the second they stepped in.
"That's funny, "Haplo said "But when I came through, the path didn't disappear." Asabeth was worried when Haplo said that, but she held her fears. A day had passed and they had no trouble at all. Haplo said that it would be about three days at the minimum, to ten day to the maximum to get to D'vouron, so is would take about five days to get to the center of the NASTY WOOD. As the night dawned on them, they had to sleep on the ground, for there were no caves nearby to rest in. If there were, they would have gladly slept there. The floor was bumpy and rough, with sand-like dirt, and all the roots of the trees sticking up from the ground, and all the trees wore about only a foot apart, in zig-zag rows. They barley got any sleep, and when they did, Azabeth dreamed that there was a quicksand pit nearby, but things got spat out, instead of sucking things in. And out of that quicksand pit, came millions of Goblins. She was so scared in this nightmare, that in it, she died, and this is when she woke up. Now, Azabeth was so shaken up from that nightmare, that when she woke up, she thought she hadn't really. She thought that, because about ten goblins were standing around her and Haplo. Then she noticed that it was real. When she did.....
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" That was her. You really would not want to have been there when she screamed. That definitely woke Haplo up, and the goblins were holding there sides of their heads, (they don't have ears, just holes), and immediately after Azabeth stopped screaming, Haplo started singing the most beautiful song (with the most awful lyrics). It went like this:
The goblins are coming,
the goblins are coming
They would not leave,
they would not leave
then a man singed this song,
then a man singed this song
The goblins are leaving,
the goblins are leaving,
This was not all of the song, there was more in the middle, but it was much too long to put in. The Goblins were still there, but they were covering the sides of their heads, even tighter. After Haplo had sung the song four times, the goblins were holding the sides of their heads so tight, that their skulls could not take the pressure, and they caved in. The goblins were dead, and Azabeth was so grossed-out by all the blood and brains, that the fainted. In the morning, Haplo told Azabeth that he had buried the bodies of the goblins, and erased all proof that they were there. After Haplo told her that, he told her that the goblins were the famous Goblins of Gobodini. Azabeth had never heard of them, and she wasn't surprised.
Chapter #4 Three Days of Nothingness, Then This!
Azabeth and Haplo had been traveling for three days with no trouble. Azabeth was glad, but Haplo was never more careful. Haplo was right to be cheerful, because on the fourth day, they saw a sign that they had passed two days ago! Azabeth had no notice of it, until Haplo pointed it out. It had two directions. The short way, and the never ending way. They had taken the short way, but the signs must have been switched! So this time they took the never ending way. Soon they were at a tree which stood alone in a clearing of grass. The tree had no visible roost sticking out of the ground. It was the nicest tree they had passed! Then they heard a sound. It was a woman's voice.
Ho are you, and what do you want? If you are just travelers, then get out of my field!" Haplo looked at the tree just in time to see a slit turn to mended bark. He thought it was peculiar, and he talked to the tree.
"Well, I see a beautiful tree in this beautiful grass clearing, sticking out from the rest of this ugly wood.... And has nice, smooth bark..... Who talks..... And this is a man named Haplo with the princess Azabeth.... Helooooooo...... Talk to me you dumb tr-"
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING DUMB!! HUH? YOU JUST MADE ME VERY ANGRY!!!!!" The voice was so loud, it blasted both Azabeth and Haplo to the ground. "I am sorry. I over reacted. JUST DONT CALL ME DUMB!" That is what Azabeth and Haplo woke up to. They had hit their heads, and fallen unconscious.
"Okay. Then we have gotten somewhere." Haplo said. "But we are at a disadvantage. You know our names, but we don't know yours."
"I am Elmira of the Wood. Call me Elm." The Elm tree is a humungous tree, but this tree was only twelve feet tall, and looked like it would grow no more. Haplo finally spoke up.
"We are looking for directions to the center of th-"Azabeth interrupted Haplo and said
"We are looking to get out of the NASTY WOOD, towards Hogsboro."
"Oh, you would have to travel forever, then. The only way out of the forest is with a wizard, or a...."Azabeth nor Haplo were listening anymore. Azabeth was thinking that maybe wizards aren't that bad after all. And that she was so foolish to enter the NASTY WOOD, and that She was lost forever in this awful wood. "And so you see, if you were to walk a while to the cavern of wizards, you might find one to aide you. Then tell him the helper code, which is 'help' then... Uh-oh. I gotta shut-up. The Arachnids are coming." And with that, Elm shut-up.
"What do you mean by Arachnid, Elm?" Azabeth screamed at the tree.
"We are, darling" came a rasping voice from behind them. Azabeth and Haplo turned around to see a giant centaur-like spider.
Chapter#5 The Arachnid
Azabeth screamed one of her screams, and the Arachnid spit on Haplo's face, and it dissolved, killing him and leaving a gory mess. Azabeth thought stories always had happy endings, but it seemed that this one already did not. The Arachnid was about to spit on Azabeth's face, when it saw the medallion she wore. Then the Arachnid turned around. And when Azabeth thought that it would leave, it shot web at her, and Azabeth screamed:
"HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Then, she saw a hand grab the web, and start pulling it. Azabeth looked at who it was, and it was...
"Elmer! What are you doing here!"
"I'm here for three reasons. One: To kill this beast once and for all. Two: to save you. Three: to prove to you that wizards are only regular people who posses magic, oh, make that four. And four: to bring you back to yous parents." All the time, Elmer was pulling the web, and fighting the creature. At last, the Arachnid struck Elmer, and then... Elm. This mad her MAD! She reached out her roots and branches, grabbed the thing that hit her, and ripped it in half. Azabeth ran over to Elmer as Elm was saying:
"Ohhhhh, too much blood, too much blood, too much blooooood!"
Now Azabeth was over by Elmer, and was asking Elmer if her was alright.
"Yes, Azabeth, I am fine." he said it in a gasping whisper, and Azabeth didn't believe him." All you have to do, is learn this spell, and cast it on me. It is the heal all spell." Elmer taught her the spell, and as been instructed, cast the spell on him. Elmer was quickly on his feet.
Chapter#6 Going home, and a happy ending
"How did you know I was here?" Azabeth asked Elmer.
"Well, to tell you the truth, I was with you the whole time. I was just invisible, and as fast as could be. I let that Haplo guy be your guide, because he was good. When I possessed him, he could sing perfectly, and he had a fast tongue. He also was smart, and had knowledge. I could not help him with the Arachnid, because The Arachnid has a power to prevent possession, and I was still invisible. Then, when you screamed 'help', I became visible, and helped you."
"how did you know those were the rest of my questions?"
"Oops. Did I do that again? Sorry. I read your mind."
"Can we get home already?"
"Wait!" Elm cried. "When you see the King, tell him that Elm is still out here, as a tree!"
"I certainly will, Elm." Azabeth replied. So Elmer created a door in the air, that looked like the door to the palace! Elmer and Azabeth entered the door, and there was Azabeth's dad, the king!
"Father! I traveled into the NASTY WOOD, and a tree called Elmira told me to tell you that she was still out there in the shape of a tree!"
"Thank you for telling me that, Azabeth. You have been gone so long! Ahem! Don't you notice something? Huh? Huh? Huh?"
"Father! You're not drunk!"
"Father, I have changed my mind. I do want to marry Elmer!"
"Congraaaaaadulations!" Azabeth's mother, the Queen stepped out from a pillar. "I'm so glad you changed your mind, honey!"
"Well, after all, wizards are only regular people with magical powers!"
WHOWHOWHOWHOWHO! WELL THAT STORY WAS BETTER THAN EXPECTED! YEAH! GOOOOO JONATHAN HENSHAW!
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If you'd like to know anything more about the Wizard's Bride, or my other writing, Mail Me,
Jonathan Henshaw, Brookline MA & NY NY, &